https://store.theonion.com/products/sickos-unisex-t-shirt
This t-shirt is everything you've dreamed of and more. It feels soft and lightweight, with the right amount of stretch. It's comfortable and flattering...
t shirtthe onionsickosndashstore
https://theonion.com/man-gets-into-mess-usually-reserved-for-stars-of-silent-1819570481/
May 27, 2025 - BOWLING GREEN, KY—Stumbling around his study with a large metal bucket lodged firmly over his head, area accountant and father of three Michael Dewley once...
mangetsmessusuallyreserved
https://theonion.com/ow/
Jun 4, 2025 - Wow, what a lovely backyard! It sure was kind of that family to hoist me so high into the air so I could enjoy swaying back and forth in the breeze and taking...
the onionow
https://theonion.com/former-army-sniper-struggling-to-readjust-to-being-near-stuff/
Nov 25, 2025 - FAYETTEVILLE, NC—Acknowledging that he was on a long and ongoing process of reintegration, former Army sniper Clint Meadows told reporters Monday that he was...
formerarmysniperstrugglingnear
https://theonion.com/giannis-antetokounmpo-panicking-after-waking-up-3-foot-2/
Oct 31, 2025 - MILWAUKEE—Staring down in utter terror at his suddenly oversized pajamas, Milwaukee Bucks power forward Giannis Antetokounmpo reportedly panicked Wednesday...
after waking upgiannis antetokounmpopanickingfoot
https://www.vegetariantimes.com/recipes/vegan-french-onion-soup/?scope=anon
Oct 9, 2021 - Our vegan French onion soup recipe gets its incredible depth of flavor from a process of slowly caramelizing the onions. It's worth the wait.
french onion soupveganflavorages
https://techcrunch.com/2012/04/26/onion-browser-a-mobile-browser-for-the-truly-paranoid/
Apr 26, 2012 - If, for whatever reason, you need to cover your tracks while you are browsing the web on your desktop, you have plenty of options to keep anonymous. Thanks to...
onion browsermobiletrulyparanoidtechcrunch
https://theonion.com/horoscopes/gemini/
Dec 1, 2025 - Surround yourself with people who have your back—and yes, this vague advice is your go-ahead to cut your dad out of your life.
the oniongemini
https://theonion.com/man-sneaks-bag-of-outside-stimuli-into-sensory-deprivation-tank/
Dec 3, 2025 - SHELBURNE, VT—Grinning wide with satisfaction at his successful act of cunning, local man Todd Sansovitch confirmed Friday that he had carefully snuck a bag...
sensory deprivation tankmansneaksbagoutside
https://store.theonion.com/products/your-favorite-band-sucks-vintage-t-shirt
This t-shirt is everything you've dreamed of and more. It feels soft and lightweight, with the right amount of stretch. It's comfortable and flattering...
your favoritebandsucksvintageshirt
https://thelegendstore.in/product/onion-shampoo/
About this item Provide Required Nourishment Onion is very good for hair follide nourishment & help restore lost nutrients to your scalp. Help to reduce...
the legendonionshampoo
https://store.theonion.com/products/time-capsule-newspaper-package
For many years The Onion has kept its newspaper archives in a safe, dry room away from the prying hands of newspaper thieves and foul odors. The editorial...
time capsulethe onionvintagenewspaperpack
https://theonion.com/the-onion-reviews-scream-vi-1850209891/
Sep 30, 2024
the onionreviews
https://thesixfiguredish.com/kfc-onion-rings/
These crispy copycat KFC onion rings are amazing! They're dipped in a seasoned buttermilk batter before being friend until golden.
onion ringsthe sixkfccopycatrecipe
https://forum.torproject.org/t/tor-twitter-and-the-twitter-onion-beware/3367
Twitter has a poor track-record in its treatment of Tor users. Recently, it was hailed with plaudits for turning around and opening an onion. This is a public...
the oniongeneral discussiontortwitterbeware
https://www.salon.com/2014/07/23/the_onions_brilliant_take_on_abortion_restrictions_will_make_you_laughsob/
"New Anti-Abortion Legislation Requires Doctors To Scale 18-Foot Wall Surrounding Clinic" is so right on it's sad
the onionabortion restrictionsbrillianttakemake
https://theonion.com/zohran-mamdani-refuses-to-share-plan-for-making-rich-richer/
Dec 3, 2025 - NEW YORK—Casting doubt on the mayoral candidate’s ability to effectively carry out the duties of the office, critics assailed New York State Rep. Zohran...
zohran mamdanirefusesshareplanmaking
https://theonion.com/foreskin-scrapbooked/
Jan 12, 2026 - MILL VALLEY, CA—Having proudly removed the piece of shriveled penile flesh from its bag and laid it next to her large selection of craft supplies, local...
the onionforeskin
https://www.epicurious.com/recipes-menus/our-best-onion-recipes-gallery
Oct 19, 2018 - These onion recipes include French onion soup, onion tarts, and onion rings. Check them out.
the staronionrecipesmake
https://store.theonion.com/products/sickos-are-calling-and-i-must-go-t-shirt
This t-shirt is everything you've dreamed of and more. It feels soft and lightweight, with the right amount of stretch. It's comfortable and flattering...
and isickoscallingmustgo
https://www.seriouseats.com/guide-to-asafetida-11863496
Learn what asafetida (hing) is, how it's used in Indian cooking, and how a single pinch can add instant savory depth to lentils, vegetables, and more.
the ancientspicereplacesgarliconion
https://theonion.com/what-to-know-about-season-2-of-the-pitt/
Jan 16, 2026 - Medical drama The Pitt, which won five Emmys and two Golden Globes in its first season, is back for season two. The Onion shares everything you need to know...
knowseason
https://theonion.com/horse-carefully-assesses-potential-mate-for-also-being-horse/
Nov 25, 2025 - BELCHERTOWN, MA—Cautiously eyeing up a nearby mare in what barnyard sources described as a mixture of flirtation and guarded optimism, local horse Oatmeal...
horsecarefullypotentialmatealso
https://www.bustle.com/articles/8518-the-onion-ends-print-edition-after-25-years-will-continue-online
No, this is not a joke. The Onion confirmed Friday that it will soon be halting print operations in its three remaining markets. The satirical paper's last...
the onionendsprinteditionyears
https://theonion.com/musk-weighs-return-to-politics-after-60th-death-on-elden-ring-nightreign-tutorial/
Dec 3, 2025 - AUSTIN, TX—Reconsidering his recent departure from Washington as the words ‘YOU DIED’ appeared once more on his screen, billionaire Elon Musk reportedly...
muskreturnpoliticsdeath
https://theonion.com/jealous-trump-boys-try-to-convince-father-that-barron-a-dei/
Dec 3, 2025 - WASHINGTON—Whining that they were being discriminated against even though they were the “bestest sons ever in the whole wide world,” the Trump Boys...
jealoustrumpboystryconvince
https://store.theonion.com/products/history-sighs-repeats-itself-onion-headline-t-shirt-1
This t-shirt is everything you've dreamed of and more. It feels soft and lightweight, with the right amount of stretch. It's comfortable and flattering...
t shirthistorysighsrepeatsheadline
https://theonion.com/horoscopes/pisces/
Dec 1, 2025 - That leaf blower you just bought will be on sale next week, chump.
the onionpisces
https://theonion.com/divisio-the-malevolent-mathgician/
Nov 14, 2025 - The citizens of Algebrania let out a mighty cheer after the wicked sorcerer Divisio, the Malevolent Mathgician, 3,500, was turned to dust by seventh grader Ben...
divisiomalevolentonion
https://theonion.com/diana-chin-and-tim-galchot/
Jan 23, 2026 - Chin married Galchot in what is being described as a decisive coup d’état against the groom’s 13-year-old daughter from a previous marriage.
the oniondianachintim
https://theonion.com/heres-why-i-decided-to-buy-infowars/
Nov 20, 2024 - Today we celebrate a new addition to the Global Tetrahedron LLC family of brands. And let me say, I really do see it as a family. Much like family members, our...
i decidedthe onionbuy
https://theonion.com/happiness-downplayed-for-single-friend/
Nov 25, 2025 - COLUMBUS, OH—Casually minimizing the amount of fulfillment and joy he now finds in his everyday life, area man Tyler Reaves reportedly downplayed his...
the onionhappinesssinglefriend
https://theonion.com/aaron-rodgers-clearly-now-just-taking-beliefs-from-commercials-hes-seen/
Nov 17, 2025 - PITTSBURGH—Noting that conversations with the veteran signal-caller had become more perplexing than ever, sources close to Aaron Rodgers confirmed Wednesday...
aaron rodgersclearlytakingbeliefscommercials
https://theonion.com/sean-combs-asks-for-quick-trial-so-he-can-get-to-part-where-trump-pardons-him/
Dec 3, 2025 - NEW YORK—Insisting that they were all busy people with things to do, Sean “Diddy” Combs reportedly asked a U.S. district court judge for a quick...
sean combsasksquicktrialget
https://www.slashfilm.com/1165535/the-glass-onion-atrium-needed-to-be-slightly-tacky-on-purpose/
'It's kind of extraordinary what he did.'
the glassto beonionatriumneeded
https://www.wolfgangs.com/vintage-magazines/the-onion/vintage-magazine/ZZZ043509.html
Vintage Magazine | The Onion
the onionaprilwolfgang
https://theonion.com/the-onions-exclusive-interview-with-katy-perry-and-justin-trudeau/
Oct 31, 2025 - Katy Perry and Justin Trudeau’s rumored romance has taken the internet by storm. The Onion sat down with the celebrity couple to discuss their fledgling...
exclusive interviewkaty perryjustin trudeau
https://store.theonion.com/collections/tote-bags
The official store from America's Finest News Source. The Onion Store offers clothing, accessories, and gifts for everyone on your list.
tote bagsfrom theonionndashstore
https://theonion.com/researchers-determine-moon-serves-no-purpose-but-alerting-raccoons-it-safe-to-come-out/
Dec 1, 2025 - PASADENA, CA—Dispelling numerous widespread beliefs about the role the celestial body plays in life on Earth, astronomers at the California Institute of...
researchersdeterminemoonservespurpose
https://theonion.com/jealous-trump-throws-own-state-funeral-to-upstage-carters/
Dec 3, 2025 - WASHINGTON—Peeking out of his coffin with one eye open, a jealous President-elect Donald Trump reportedly threw his own state funeral Thursday in an effort...
state funeraljealoustrumpthrowsupstage
https://theonion.com/ram-will-stop-headbutting-things-when-headbutting-things-stops-working/
Dec 3, 2025 - DUBOIS, WY—Saying the one-size-fits-all approach had yet to let him down, a local ram told reporters Thursday that he would stop headbutting things when...
ramstopheadbuttingthingsworking
https://theonion.com/orlando-bloom-spotted-at-dinner-with-angela-merkel/
Dec 4, 2025 - BERLIN—Just weeks after announcing his split with fiancée Katy Perry, English actor Orlando Bloom was photographed Friday dining with former German...
orlando bloomangela merkelthe onionspotteddinner
https://theonion.com/unfairport/
Dec 9, 2025
the onion
https://theonion.com/horoscopes/libra/
Dec 1, 2025 - Don’t panic—if you can find a baby that looks just like yours, your wife might not notice.
the onionlibra
https://blog.torproject.org/announcing-vanguards-add-onion-services/
Fixing the guard discovery problem in Tor itself is an immense project -- primarily because it involves many trade-offs between performance and scalability...
the vanguardsadd ononion servicesannouncingtor
https://theonion.com/megan-fox-confirms-she-and-new-baby-will-co-parent-machine-gun-kelly/
Dec 4, 2025 - LOS ANGELES—Expressing relief that they were both on the same page about custody, Megan Fox confirmed Friday that she and her new baby would be working...
megan foxnew babycoparent
https://theonion.com/single-man-sits-on-own-hand-before-dialing-911-so-it-feels-like-someone-else-cares/
Dec 3, 2025 - EVERETT, WA—In an effort to emulate the pleasurable sensation of contact with another person, single man Henry Goldfarb reportedly sat on his own hand before...
single manown handsitsdialing
https://www.thewrap.com/alex-jones-infowars-twitter-accounts-the-onion-elon-musk-objection/
Elon Musk's X filed a limited objection to The Onion's attempt to purchase Alex Jones' InfoWars, claiming it had "superior ownership."
elon muskalex jonesclaimsownsinfowars
https://www.tastingtable.com/1384861/vital-finishing-touch-one-pot-french-onion-pasta/
Depending on which recipe you use, your dish can still end up lacking. If you're wondering what your French onion pasta is missing, we have a suggestion.
one potfrench onionvitalfinishingtouch
https://www.irishcentral.com/opinion/others/pure-genius-or-sick-tayto-release-the-first-cheese-and-onion-chocolate-bar-202491001-238177691
Mr Tayto finally gives in to his sweet toothIrish snack staple Tayto is branching out in the sweets world with their release of a chocolate bar infused with...
pure geniusthe firstsicktaytorelease
https://www.realsimple.com/leek-vs-green-onion-11760439
Discover the differences between leeks and green onions. These alliums look slightly different, taste different, and have different uses when cooking.
green onionhow tothe differenceleekvs
https://teamonion.works/tools-and-templates/
Jan 29, 2025 - Downloadable tools to support The Team Onion, including Miro and Mural boards, supporting slides and posters
the teamtoolstemplatesonion
https://theonion.com/cackling-referee-declares-penalty-for-pass-interference-shall-be-10000-years-of-winter/
Dec 29, 2025 - PITTSBURGH—Raising his hands before him as his eyes turned ominously white, the referee of the Steelers–Dolphins game was heard to let out a blood-curdling...
pass interferencerefereedeclarespenaltyshall
https://theonion.com/study-finds-most-americans-cant-find-where-they-are-being-deported-on-map/
Nov 12, 2025
studyfindsamericans
https://theonion.com/poll-most-americans-blame-trump-for-shutdown-1831748715/
Sep 8, 2024 - A new poll from SSRS found that 55 percent of Americans blame President Trump for the shutdown, while 32 percent say the blame rests mostly with the Democrats....
the onionpollamericansblametrump
https://www.memrise.com/en-us/learn-swahili/swahili-course/phrasebook/65763441180930/how-to-say-first-fry-the-onion-in-swahili
Learn how to say first fry the onion in Swahili, how to say it in real life and how you can use Memrise to learn other real Swahili phrases.
how tothe onionsayfirstfry
https://theonion.com/if-i-take-a-bullet-for-my-child-how-will-they-learn-to-take-bullets-themselves/
Jul 16, 2025 - Like every parent, I want my kids to be safe. I know that for my young daughter and son to grow and thrive, they need to feel secure in their surroundings. But...
if imy childtakebullet
https://www.themoviegourmet.com/?p=26232
The startling documentary Three Identical Strangers begins with a young man’s first day on a college campus, being greeted by strangers who are...
three identical strangersfeel goodpeelback
https://deepweblinks.net/commercial-services/
Commerce, this is an updated list 2025 of information and data on commercial services in the deep web, computer products, tablets, smartphones.
in the deeptor linkscommercialservicesweb
https://www.heartoftheonion.com/other-paintings/view/2246615/1/4736508
Barry Goldstein artist
the onionheartpaintings
https://newrepublic.com/article/127962/not-joke-univision-buys-onion
A Spanish-language media company and an English-language satirical news site might seem like unlikely bedfellows.
the onionnew republicjokeunivisionbuys