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https://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/lifestyle/we-ask-you-what-have-you-forgotten-to-get-from-the-shops-20251224263092 We ask you: what have you forgotten to get from the shops? | The Daily Mash Dec 24, 2025 - CHRISTMAS is almost upon us and you’ve got everything in except, hang on, you just need this one item and Tesco is open until 7pm. What is it? you whatto getfrom thedaily mashask https://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/health/men-get-their-own-bullshit-body-types-2015032696744 Men get their own bullshit body types | The Daily Mash Mar 29, 2022 - AFTER decades of women being described as being ‘pear-shaped’ and similar, men have been given their own contrived body shapes. the daily mashtheir ownbody typesmenget https://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/society/the-bellends-guide-to-nights-out-20180504148579 The bellend’s guide to nights out | The Daily Mash Mar 29, 2022 - EVERYONE loves pubbing and clubbing at the weekend, but are you doing it in a way that causes maximum aggravation for fellow revellers? Follow our guide. guide tonights outdaily mash https://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/business/petrol-still-most-reasonably-priced-thing-at-service-stations-2-20250912260394 Petrol still most reasonably-priced thing at service stations | The Daily Mash Sep 12, 2025 - DESPITE rising petrol prices it remains the only item at motorway service stations an average family can reasonably afford. the daily mashreasonably pricedservice stationspetrolstill https://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/alcohol/kate-puts-pathetic-amount-of-money-behind-soldiers-bar-20250317255620 Kate puts pathetic amount of money behind soldiers' bar | The Daily Mash the daily mashkateputspatheticamount https://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/relationships/bit-at-back-of-edible-underwear-best-left-uneaten-20221202228802 Bit at back of edible underwear best left uneaten | The Daily Mash Dec 2, 2022 - A COUPLE who purchased some edible knickers have discovered that it is best to leave the back part of it uneaten. the daily mashedible underwearbitbackbest https://www.thedailymash.co.uk/opinion/columnists/one-womans-week-black-to-basics-201006182832 One Woman's Week: Black To Basics | The Daily Mash May 16, 2018 - By Karen FenesseyWHEN people ask me, 'Karen! 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Take our quiz | The Daily Mash Apr 22, 2021 - ALWAYS whinging? Unable to understand basic concepts like ‘bedtime’ and ‘rain’? You might be a toddler. Take our quiz to find out. take our quizthe daily mashare youtoddler https://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/lifestyle/11-things-to-think-about-instead-of-going-to-fking-sleep-20210701209676 11 things to think about instead of going to f**king sleep | The Daily Mash Mar 29, 2022 - THERE is nothing more annoying than lying awake in bed wide awake because your brain won’t shut the f**k up. 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But are you properly prepared to be an obnoxious, antisocial dick on 'Super Saturday'? how to bethe daily mashsuper saturdayabsolutebellend https://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/health/coughing-during-sex-is-fine-claim-smokers-20151221104928 Coughing during sex is fine, claim smokers | The Daily Mash Mar 29, 2022 - PAUSING during sex to have a lengthy coughing fit is fine, according to smokers. the daily mashduring sexcoughingfineclaim https://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/science-technology/woman-who-took-quick-glance-at-instagram-looks-up-and-five-years-have-passed-20210208205084 Woman who took quick glance at Instagram looks up and five years have passed | The Daily Mash Mar 29, 2022 - A WOMAN who had a quick one-second peek of Instagram has looked up to find five years of her life have disappeared. the daily mashlooks upfive yearswomantook https://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/international/russia-hacking-crufts-for-years-20161215119060 Russia ‘hacking Crufts for years’ | The Daily Mash Mar 29, 2022 - RUSSIA has been hacking the Crufts computers to make all the weird-looking dogs win, it has emerged. the daily mashrussiacrufts https://www.thedailymash.co.uk/politics/politics-headlines/labour-manifesto-should-include-thing-about-killing-all-the-rich-people-2014032485000 Labour manifesto ‘should include thing about killing all the rich people’ | The Daily Mash May 8, 2018 - ED Miliband has been urged to ‘be bold’ with the next Labour manifesto including tax reform, NHS funding and putting all the rich people up against a wall. the richdaily mashlabourmanifestoinclude https://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/society/can-we-close-the-blinds-asks-incredibly-annoying-colleague-20161125117897 'Can we close the blinds?' asks incredibly annoying colleague | The Daily Mash Mar 29, 2022 - AN annoying twat in an office has asked if the blinds can be closed because he cannot see his screen. close the blindscan wedaily mashasksincredibly https://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/relationships/overconfident-man-not-taking-being-dumped-personally-20200818199561 Overconfident man not taking being dumped personally | The Daily Mash Mar 29, 2022 - A MAN blessed with excessive self-confidence has no idea that he has been dumped because of his awful personality. the daily mashoverconfidentmantakingdumped https://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/war/end-of-iraq-war-marked-by-beginning-of-iraq-civil-war-201112164682 End of Iraq war marked by beginning of Iraq civil war | The Daily Mash May 16, 2018 - AMERICA'S withdrawal from Iraq will be marked by a special civil war as soon as the last helicopter leaves. the daily mashend ofiraq warmarkedbeginning https://www.thedailymash.co.uk/features/five-inspirational-quotes-for-people-who-dont-believe-in-spiritual-hippy-bullsht-20190806187997 Five inspirational quotes for people who don’t believe in spiritual, hippy bullshit | The Daily Mash Sep 30, 2022 - WANT to feel better about life without having to repeat wafty nonsense to yourself on a regular basis? Try these instead... the daily mashinspirational quotesfivepeoplebelieve https://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/society/woman-enters-fourth-day-of-circling-sainsburys-car-park-20171219141203 Woman enters fourth day of circling Sainsbury's car park | The Daily Mash Mar 29, 2022 - A WOMAN has reached the limits of physical endurance after spending 96 hours trying to park at a supermarket. the daily mashfourth daycar parkwomanenters https://www.thedailymash.co.uk/sport/sport-headlines/mourinho-only-47-scapegoats-away-from-blaming-himself-20151217104823 Mourinho only 47 scapegoats away from blaming himself | The Daily Mash Mar 29, 2022 - CHELSEA boss Jose Mourinho is beginning to run out of people to blame for his side’s catastrophic title defence. the daily mashmourinhoscapegoatsawayblaming https://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/society/gaslighting-and-other-trendy-phrases-idiots-use-and-get-wrong-20201112202436 'Gaslighting' and other trendy phrases idiots use and get wrong | The Daily Mash Mar 29, 2022 - DO you like to sprinkle your conversation with contemporary phrases, but get them wrong and sound like an idiot? Here are some to avoid. the daily mashget wronggaslightingtrendyphrases https://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/relationships/man-realises-only-his-crap-friends-live-nearby-20200526196837 Man realises only his crap friends live nearby | The Daily Mash Jun 4, 2020 - A MAN has realised that only the crap friends he never talks to anyway live near enough to visit safely. the daily mashmanrealisescrapfriends https://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/celebrity/jordans-hand-in-marriage-to-avert-war-201205035190 Jordan’s hand in marriage to avert war | The Daily Mash Feb 7, 2020 - PEOPLE'S princess Jordan has agreed to marry Argentinian Leandro Penna to prevent war between his country and the British Empire. hand in marriagethe daily mashavertwar https://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news-in-pictures/news-briefly/its-ok-to-cry-during-your-commute-workers-told-201110314485 It's OK to cry during your commute, workers told | The Daily Mash the daily mashcrycommuteworkerstold https://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/society/rationing-bog-rolls-and-other-ways-2021-could-be-even-worse-20201231203904 Rationing bog rolls, and other ways 2021 could be even worse | The Daily Mash Mar 29, 2022 - AS we start a new year, everyone is convinced 2021 cannot possibly be as bad as 2020. They're right. It could be worse. the daily mashbog rollsother wayseven worserationing https://www.thedailymash.co.uk/weekend/review/reader-offer-thundercatology-201007092895 Reader Offer: Thundercatology | The Daily Mash the daily mashreaderoffer https://www.thedailymash.co.uk/sport/sport-headlines/how-to-make-football-fairer-for-everyone-by-a-guardian-reader-20210611209032 How to make football fairer for everyone, by a Guardian reader | The Daily Mash Mar 29, 2022 - FOOTBALL is a wonderful game, but is it too competitive? Here concerned Guardian reader Nathan Muir explains how he would make it a fairer and more liberal... how to makethe daily mashfor everyoneguardian readerfootball https://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/alcohol/young-people-not-drinking-very-specific-acceptable-amount-of-alcohol-20251008260974 Young people not drinking very specific acceptable amount of alcohol | The Daily Mash Oct 8, 2025 - YOUNG people are either exceeding or falling short of the specific amount of acceptable alcohol consumption older generations dictate, they have admitted. the daily mashyoung peopledrinkingspecificacceptable https://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/science-technology/science-is-bollocks-confirms-johnson-20200611197378 Science is bollocks, confirms Johnson | The Daily Mash Jun 18, 2020 - THE prime minister has announced that science is a load of bollocks only metropolitan liberal elitists believe in. the daily mashsciencebollocksconfirmsjohnson https://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/work/how-to-erroneously-believe-youre-the-best-boss-any-employee-could-ever-ask-for-20220628222689 How to erroneously believe you're the best boss any employee could ever ask for | The Daily Mash Jun 28, 2022 - YOU care so much about your employees, you even call them at home at weekends. A management expert explains how to make your business your family. how toyou rethe bestask fordaily mash https://www.thedailymash.co.uk/sport/sport-headlines/rangers-pledges-sectarianism-as-usual-201202144892 Rangers pledges sectarianism as usual | The Daily Mash May 16, 2018 - MURDEROUS chant enabler Rangers last night pledged financial meltdown will not interfere with all the hating. the daily mashrangerspledgessectarianismusual https://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/lifestyle/man-who-was-outcast-as-teenager-feels-hed-fit-right-in-as-gen-z-20260915269342 Man who was outcast as teenager feels he'd fit right in as Gen Z | The Daily Mash Sep 15, 2026 - A 42-YEAR-OLD who was a pariah in youth for not drinking, not having sex, being right-wing and having a mullet is gratified to see those things become cool. fit right inthe daily mashman whogen zoutcast https://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/lifestyle/familys-easter-marred-by-accidental-purchase-of-xenomorph-eggs-20190419184835 Family's Easter marred by accidental purchase of xenomorph eggs | The Daily Mash Mar 29, 2022 - A FAMILY’S Easter has been ruined after mistakenly buying the eggs of a fast-growing alien predator. the daily mashfamilyeastermarredaccidental https://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/business/smug-bitcoin-bastards-must-get-their-comeuppance-before-new-year-demands-britain-20171218141177 Smug bitcoin bastards must get their comeuppance before New Year, demands Britain | The Daily Mash Mar 29, 2022 - THE UK has demanded that all the smug bastards who own bitcoin lose their entire investment before Christmas. the daily mashnew yearsmugbitcoinbastards https://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/lifestyle/pointless-bed-showroom-wont-let-you-fk-on-the-mattresses-20241031252142 Pointless bed showroom won't let you f**k on the mattresses | The Daily Mash Oct 31, 2024 - AN uptight bed showroom is stupidly not letting customers find out how good the mattresses are for shagging on. let youf kon thedaily mashpointless https://www.thedailymash.co.uk/politics/politics-headlines/the-brexiters-guide-to-pretending-obviously-bad-things-are-good-20210625209495 The Brexiter's guide to pretending obviously bad things are good | The Daily Mash Mar 29, 2022 - MANY new problems with Brexit have emerged recently. Here chipper Leave voter Roy Hobbs explains why the plainly catastrophic is somehow great news for Britain. guide tobad thingsdaily mashbrexiterpretending https://www.thedailymash.co.uk/sport/sport-headlines/jose-mourinhos-guide-to-being-a-miserable-bastard-20180828176771 Jose Mourinho's guide to being a miserable bastard | The Daily Mash Mar 29, 2022 - HOLA, this is the Special One, Jose Mourinho and I'm here to teach you how be a proper miserable sod. the daily mashjose mourinhoguide tomiserablebastard https://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/arts-entertainment/jurassic-world-not-accurate-says-tedious-little-man-2015061599241 Jurassic World not accurate, says tedious little man | The Daily Mash Mar 29, 2022 - JURASSIC World’s portrayal of the Ankylosaurus, has been criticised by a dreary man. the daily mashjurassic worldlittle manaccuratesays https://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/society/mums-email-account-hacked-again-20160328107545 Mum's email account hacked again | The Daily Mash Mar 29, 2022 - A MOTHER has had her email account hacked for the 14th time this month. the daily mashemail accountmumhacked https://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/society/boomers-declare-victory-20210908211849 Boomers declare victory | The Daily Mash Mar 29, 2022 - BOOMERS have declared a final, crushing victory over Generation X, millennials, and the Zoomers who will be forced to pay for their social care. the daily mashboomersdeclarevictory https://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/society?page=596 Society | The Daily Mash the daily mashsociety https://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/society/gadget-addiction-stops-children-from-being-annoying-201108044157 Gadget addiction stops children from being annoying | The Daily Mash May 16, 2018 - CHILDRENS' constant use of screen-based technology is making them much less of a pain in the arse, it has emerged. the daily mashgadgetaddictionstopschildren https://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/science-technology/people-whose-name-begins-with-a-get-pocket-called-fifty-times-per-day-20160831113097 People whose names begin with 'A' get pocket-called fifty times per day | The Daily Mash Mar 29, 2022 - PEOPLE whose names begin with an A get pocket-called upwards of fifty times a day, it has emerged. the daily mashpocket calledpeoplewhosenames https://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/health/more-ambulances-used-for-hipster-art-than-conveying-sick-people-2013032263505 More ambulances used for hipster art than conveying sick people | The Daily Mash Jan 30, 2020 - EMERGENCY calls are going unanswered as hipsters pressure the NHS to decommission ambulances for their art projects. the daily mashambulancesusedhipsterart https://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/arts-entertainment/goonies-awful-say-experts-2013032563691 Goonies awful, say experts | The Daily Mash Feb 26, 2019 - FILM researchers have discovered that The Goonies is actually dreadful. the daily mashgooniesawfulsayexperts https://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/society/kids-allowed-on-term-time-holidays-if-they-bring-back-some-duty-free-20170328124939 Kids allowed on term time holidays if they bring back cheap fags and some Grappa | The Daily Mash Mar 29, 2022 - CHILDREN will be allowed to travel abroad during term time as long as they bring back booze and fags for teachers. the daily mashterm timebring backkidsallowed https://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/international/england-really-not-like-in-the-brochures-discovers-tourist-20200210193352 England really not like in the brochures, discovers tourist | The Daily Mash Mar 29, 2022 - A SPANISH tourist visiting England for the first time has confirmed it is not remotely like the brochures. in thedaily mashenglandreallylike https://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/business/how-to-bollocks-up-your-christmas-shopping-20201222203739 How to bollocks up your Christmas shopping | The Daily Mash Mar 29, 2022 - READY to spend the last few days before Christmas in a blind panic for gifts and food, online or in real life? Here’s how to end up with none of the stuff you... the daily mashhow tobollocks upyour christmasshopping https://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/food/scientists-discover-fourth-takeaway-option-20200117192645 Scientists discover fourth takeaway option | The Daily Mash Apr 5, 2023 - SCIENTISTS have announced the discovery of a fourth takeaway option that is neither Chinese, Indian and pizza. the daily mashscientistsdiscoverfourthtakeaway